Some Prompts

 

25 Questions to Bring You Closer to Your Mom

History and Memories

Your mother had an entire existence before you came along. These questions will bring that part of her to life.

Who made you feel seen when you were growing up?

— Priya Parker, author of “The Art of Gathering”

What major event or realization shaped who you are?

— Roni Cohen-Sandler, clinical psychologist and author of “Anything But My Phone, Mom!”

Of all the living people you’re no longer in touch with, who is the person with whom you were the closest? Why aren’t you in touch anymore?

— Eli J. Finkel, professor of social psychology at Northwestern University

When did you realize you were a grown-up?

— Prentis Hemphill, therapist and author of “What It Takes to Heal”

When you were a kid, what did you find exciting about the prospect of getting older?

— Eli J. Finkel

Who was your closest friend when I was a baby?

— Jaimie Arona Krems, associate professor of psychology at U.C.L.A.

Motherhood

You and your mom had different experiences of your childhood. These questions are your chance to hear her perspective.

What’s something you swore you’d never do as a parent but did anyway?

— Priya Parker

What’s the worst advice you’ve ever received about motherhood?

— Jessica A. Stern, assistant professor of psychological science at Pomona College

What’s a phrase that has kept you afloat during hard times?

— Prentis Hemphill

What do you love most about being a mother now?

— Karen Fingerman, professor of human development and family sciences at U.T. Austin

Your Relationship

Don’t worry: These questions are gentle.

Thinking back over the past few decades, what advice do you have for me as I grow to be your age?

— Laurence Steinberg, author of “You and Your Adult Child”

What are some of your favorite memories of the two of us?

— Dr. Sue Varma, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at N.Y.U.

Was there a specific moment in my life that you didn’t know how to handle? What did you end up doing?

— Priya Parker

Life Right Now

You’re not the same person you were decades ago — and neither is your mom. These questions will help you get to know her.

What is something you’ve learned about yourself in the last six months?

— Dr. Vicki Jackson, chief of palliative care and geriatric medicine, Massachusetts General Hospital

What is one thing we must do together and start planning for now?

— Dr. Sue Varma

Can you tell me about a difficult emotion you’ve been dealing with lately?

— Dr. Gail Saltz, clinical associate professor of psychiatry at NewYork-Presbyterian Hospital

Is there anything you do that seems mundane on the surface but has turned out to be sacred for you?

— Prentis Hemphill

What’s something you still haven’t figured out? What are you still wondering about?

— Dr. Vicki Jackson

How can we spend meaningful time together?

— Erin Engle, psychologist with NewYork-Presbyterian/Columbia University Irving Medical Center

Just for Fun

Is your mom full of surprises? You’re about to find out with these questions.

Did you have any nicknames when you were younger that I don’t know about? What’s the story behind them?

— Erin Engle

What was your favorite outfit growing up, and why?

— Priya Parker

If our family created a time capsule and you had to choose one item to include for future descendants, what would that item be, and why?

— Dr. Judith Joseph, author of “High Functioning”

What are some of the most memorable songs in your life, and what do they mean to you?

— Alison Wood Brooks, professor at the Harvard Business School and author of “Talk”

If you could redo any period in your life, what would it be, and why?

— Anthony Chambers, psychologist at The Family Institute at Northwestern University

What is your favorite compliment to receive, and why?

— Alexandra Solomon, therapist and author of “Love Every Da

Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.” --Arundhati Roy

A Quote to Get Started

 “Go into yourself. Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depths of your heart; confess to yourself whether you would have to die if you were forbidden to write.

This most of all: ask yourself in the most silent hour of your night: must I write? Dig into yourself for a deep answer. And if this answer rings out in assent, if you meet this solemn question with a strong, simple “I must,” then build your life in accordance with this necessity; your whole life, even into its humblest and most indifferent hour, must become a sign and witness to this impulse. Then come close to Nature. Then, as if no one had ever tried before, try to say what you see and feel and love and lose...

...Describe your sorrows and desires, the thoughts that pass through your mind and your belief in some kind of beauty - describe all these with heartfelt, silent, humble sincerity and, when you express yourself, use the Things around you, the images from your dreams, and the objects that you remember. If your everyday life seems poor, don’t blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is not poverty and no poor, indifferent place. And even if you found yourself in some prison, whose walls let in none of the world’s sounds – wouldn’t you still have your childhood, that jewel beyond all price, that treasure house of memories? Turn your attentions to it. Try to raise up the sunken feelings of this enormous past; your personality will grow stronger, your solitude will expand and become a place where you can live in the twilight, where the noise of other people passes by, far in the distance. - And if out of this turning-within, out of this immersion in your own world, poems come, then you will not think of asking anyone whether they are good or not. Nor will you try to interest magazines in these works: for you will see them as your dear natural possession, a piece of your life, a voice from it. A work of art is good if it has arisen out of necessity. That is the only way one can judge it.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke